The Cereal Quest: Days 287 – 293 Oatibix Golden Oat Flakes

So after my Kellogg’s Rice Krispies Multi Grain Shapes Strawberry things could only get better, so there would never be a more opportune moment to try another heavily oat based cereal (why do manufacturers insist on oats, oats and more oats?), this would be the perfect time to start an oat based cereal in a positive mood, positive because no matter what cereal I had, it surely couldn’t provoke my gag reflex as much as my previous cereal. Clever planning Phil, clever planning.  In then, steps Oatibix Golden Oat Flakes, a cousin of the first cereal on the quest Weetabix, these have been somewhat transformed in to a primarily oat based flake shaped cereal, to the untrained eye they look like bran flakes, to my trained (self trained) eyes they are a paler, thinner, less durable version of a bran flake. They actually don’t taste terrible, admittedly by the last serving I was ready for the end of the box but they are certainly not the worst cereal I will encounter on this quest.  They needed a sprinkling of sugar to bring them alive as on their own they have little more flavour than paper but the sugar brings out a more homely, countryside taste, a natural taste.  Truthfully if you are needing help with getting more regular bowel movements these will be perfect, they go down easily.

Here are the vital statistics and my Oatibix Golden Oat Flakes:

Cereal Cost: £2.79
Real Servings per Box: 6
Cost per Serving: 46.5p
Pros – Far better than it’s predecessor.  Good for sorting out constipation.
Cons – Hardly exciting, do get a bit dull.

The Cereal Quest: Days 279 – 286 – Kellogg’s Rice Krispies Multi Grain Shapes Strawberry

This had been a cereal I had been dreading, I don’t like the idea of strawberry flavouring in cereal, I find it unnatural and awkward, I had waited and waited for an opportune moment to cross these off the cereal quest list and finally I was in Tesco’s and saw Kellogg’s Rice Krispies Multi Grain Shapes Strawberry on offer.  I knew the time was now, I know that I have peaked to early on my favoured cereals and I had to put in some really tough hard yards with the next few cereals, starting with Kellogg’s Rice Krispies Multi Grain Shapes Strawberry.  Kellogg’s Rice Krispies Multi Grain Shapes Strawberry were nothing short of terrible, the ‘strawberry’ flavour tasted as much of strawberries as I do, its jus a weird flavouring that then repeats on you like a scotch egg throughout the morning after consumption.  The actual texture is vile, each spoonful, each bite is gives you that ‘fingers down a blackboard’ feeling, you start shuddering towards the end of the bowl as you physically struggle to chew without vomiting.  I have no idea who buys these to keep Kellogg’s manufacturing but if it is you I urge you to stop so they can replace them with something nicer.   It also gave me some weird dreams, dreams I couldn’t fathom any reasoning behind.  I woke up one morning and stared at my fingers, I had been dreaming for what felt like all night that my fingers were covered in beetroot juice, every time I washed it off I looked down and more had appeared, each time staining my skin more and more.  I was torn, do I wash it off so more appears or do I leave my hands dripping beetroot juice all over the shop, staining carpet upon carpet that I walked across.  Of course, this was a dream so I didn’t stain any carpets but it had become clear to me that my frustrating dream was because I was eating this indigestible misery of a cereal.  To make them even worse they haven’t improved my knee injury either, I am not impressed, you may be able to tell.  Ordinarily I wold suggest trying them for yourselves so you can tell I am not lying but your purchase would only encourage Kellogg’s further so please don’t buy, just trust me.

Here are the vital statistics and review for Kellogg’s Rice Krispies Multi Grain Shapes Strawberry:

Cereal Cost: £2.79
Real Servings per Box: 7
Cost per Serving: 39.8p
Pros – Vomit inducing, if that is your cup of tea.
Cons – Taste, texture, odd dream givers and disgrace to the cereal world.

The Cereal Quest: Days 272 – 279 – Banana Nut Cheerios

When my sister phoned me to tell me she had bought me a cereal she knew I had not tried I panicked, my sister is borderline crazy so I worried, you may remember she once gave me directions to a cruise terminal by saying “look for a boat and aim for it!” but on this she did not let me down, she came up trumps, this is what she gave me:

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Put simply this cereal is amazing.  If you have a keen eye like me you are probably wondering “what is the difference between ‘real’ banana flavour and ‘natural’ banana flavour?”  good question and in all honesty due to a lack of replies by General Mills (the American branch of Nestlé as these are an American cereal) I have no answer for you.  Now the cereal I had this week was always going to struggle to make me feel great, after last weekends 160 mile bike ride I needed something to not only give me energy but my biggest need was to provide me a new knee, even after this week of Banana Nut Cheerios I still can’t walk down the stairs properly as my right knee doesn’t bend.  No cereal would be likely to help but I can confirm despite Banana Nut Cheerios tasting great, for those who are looking for the perfect cure for a dodgy patella these are sadly not the solution.  The sweetness of this cereal is beautiful, they taste like banana milkshake, to be specific they taste like Crusha Banana Milkshake but strangely do not make the milk taste like banana. They stay crispy for the entire bowl and taste incredible, if they were readily available in the UK and I wasn’t bound by this quest to choose other cereals I would go out and find some from wherever I could get them.  A big thank you to my little sister Vicki for these!

Here are the vital statistics for Banana Nut Cheerios:

Cereal Cost: £5.99 (in the UK)
Real Servings per Box: 7
Cost per Serving: 88.5p
Pros – Beautiful flavour, great texture, perfect.
Cons – Unbelievably expensive in the UK and does not help heal a tired injured body.

The Cereal Quest: Days 264 – 271 Honey Monster Choco Wows

These strange treats were to play a part on one of the hardest things I have had to do in my life.

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Honey Monster Choco Wows are a bizarre breakfast cereal and certainly one of the best efforts I’ve seen of a cereal that looks chocolatey and appealing for children but has got good stuff in it too.  Although the picture I took doesn’t show them clearly they are chocolate rings that are nice and crunchy but they have got bits of oats scattered randomly on to the rings.  The combination is an odd one, you get a chocolatey kick but then there is a dull oaty aftertaste, this is when they are eaten in a traditional manner, i.e. with milk.  However, this week was not an ordinary week.  This week included doing the ‘Alderholt 150′ challenge.  I had been training for about 6 weeks for this challenge which was essentially a challenge taken on by a team of about 13 people to ride what turned out to be over 150 miles in 3 days, 6 weeks ago I tried riding my bike less than a mile and by the end I was sweating buckets and was out of breath, a knee injury (due to riding a childs bike) and a change of bike kindly lent to me by my good friend Ian and all was now going a bit better.   The first day of the ride was tiring, I thought I had now learnt what a hill climb is really like, I wanted to stay professional and continue my cereal quest so I had a serving before I left and a serving for lunch but this time they were bone dry, I snacked on them throughout the day and they gave me a great energy boost, they also tasted a lot better as a dry cereal as the milk wasn’t there to wash away the chocolatey flavour.  The second day of the challenge I had another more traditionally served bowl of Honey Monster Choco Wows, this day was to be the day I really understood what a proper hill climb was, somewhere on the way from Devizes to Gillingham we were riding and another rider turned to me and said “you know that we are now riding alongside a river, there isn’t a lower point, there has to be a big hill soon.” he was spot on, the most ridiculously long hill to pedal up, this was late afternoon and the energy gained from breakfast was now gone, I had been riding about 50 miles so far and had been kept up a bit the night before by a friend who sounded like he was chewing crisps in his sleep.  The third day however saw a worse issue than this hill.  My wife won’t allow me to publish full details but all I can say is a sincere sorry to the cleaners of the lovely church hall in Gillingham, I have learnt that if a huge bowl of oaty porridge is offered to me, no matter how rude I feel by saying no I should  kindly refuse the offer, sadly this day I didn’t and my body simply wasn’t prepared to store oats for more than about 5 minutes.  All in all this cereal was good, no where near as good as Chocolate Cheerios in my opinion but it was a nice treat.

Here are my vital statistics for Honey Monster Choco Wows:

Cereal Cost: £2.69
Real Servings per Box: 7
Cost per Serving: 38.4p
Pros – A good disguised healthy cereal for kids.
Cons – Very odd oat scattering and weak chocolate flavour.