Whatever cereal I was to start today was going to be an upgrade and so it proved to be. I started on Weetabix’s Ready Brek which (for those who have not had it or heard of it) is a porridge type cereal. It has the consistency of sawdust, which when you add milk and microwave turns in to a delicious creamy smooth porridge style breakfast. It needs the addition of something sweeter to carry it I think, this morning I gave the top a light dusting of sugar and ate from the outside in so not to burn myself. I have heard rumours that it helps slowly release carbohydrates giving you energy for longer but I somehow knackered my knee last night so it was hard to tell. One thing I will say is I should have had this earlier in the year when it was colder. Today was weird, maybe because it has been winter for approximately a decade and my body has acclimatised to arctic temperatures but I was in my car and the temperature had hit double figures, 13 degrees to be exact and this was hot enough for me to be heavily sweating, sweat was dripping off my forehead, in 13 degrees, I have either aged massively since last ‘summer’ (possible) or I am simply a sweaty man (unlikely).
Over the last couple of days I have been feeling more contemplative, more mellow, finding myself noticing things more and finding new things that make me laugh. Although the fact I analyse cereals on a daily basis and the fact I am getting more ‘silver’ hair might point to an early mid-life crisis, I am sure that these recent changes are solely due to Ready Brek. Today I sat staring in to my bowl of Ready Brek which today I drizzled with golden syrup as suggested by various people, I tried to pick out individual components of the cereal rather than just simply seeing it as Ready Brek, I failed, it was pretty much impossible so I just looked at the ingredients list on the box. Golden Syrup added a sweetness throughout the Ready Brek rather than just on top like sugar does, it tasted good but I feel perhaps tomorrow I should try more golden syrup to really give it the kick it needs. A few things happened today that made me think Ready Brek has mellowing or life changing side effects, one was a Tesco lorry that pulled out on me at a roundabout, it was the act of a buffoon, I got out the way but instead of beeping the horn with rage or stopping my car on a roundabout and gesticulating frantically I just drove on, this is rare, I usually would have beeped and, if my wife was with me, would have been told off for beeping. The 2nd thing I realised today is that it annoys me when people with two ‘r’s in their name decide to upgrade the r’s to z’s, I got an email from someone who was given the name Kerry by her parents who must have spent weeks and months deliberating over the perfect name for her and now she refers to herself as ‘Kezza’. I don’t know why it annoys me, maybe its jealousy. The 3rd and final thing I realised today is that different things make me laugh to what used to make me laugh. Holly (my wife) was chatting to me whilst serving dinner in the kitchen tonight, I was making drinks and she started her sentence no less than 6 occasions “the other day in Morrisons…..”. She would say it then put something on a plate then say it again and then I would ask what she would like to drink, then she would say it again and so on until we walked in to the lounge, stuck on Neighbours (which this week has been incredible!) and we never spoke of it again, I have no idea what happened in Morrisons, it must have been exciting as Holly tried telling me 6 times but I never found out. I love my wife.
Please don’t read today’s entry if sick makes you sick (this includes my wife).
This morning I was looking forward to my breakfast, excited to try a higher golden syrup to Ready Brek ratio. I had also been considering trying a controversial savoury marmite Ready Brek at lunch, but this was simply not meant to be today, you will find out why shortly. The good bit of my day was definitely the golden syrup in the Ready Brek, I gobbled it down quicker than usual (which in hindsight may have been my undoing), it was delicious, I would say so far it is the best way to have Ready Brek. The bad bit of my day was to follow soon after. As I was driving to work about 10 minutes before I was to arrive at my destination I had the hiccups, this was frustrating but I could cope, I was going over a series of roundabouts and all was OK, as I slowed my car down to 3rd gear I got a horrible feeling in my stomach, then as I approached a roundabout the pain in my stomach cramped, I felt something climbing my throat at pace, a mixture of sweet syrupy oaty breakfast cereal and the inner workings of my intestines were gushing towards freedom, if freedom was to exit my mouth and head for the windscreen, steering wheel and eventually of course the floor of my car. Further up my body I could feel this horrible sickly mixture about to make its escape, all this whilst I was trying to get round a roundabout on the A348. I joined the roundabout, my head was a mess thinking that my car and jeans were about to become likewise. I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t be sick in my relatively new 11 year old Nissan, could I? No, I wasn’t going to stand for this, I made the decision to refuse the volatile mixture safe passage out of my mouth and shut my mouth firmly, clamping it down like young kids do when they are told they have “one more chance to stop talking or they will have to go to the headteacher”. Then the gushing lumpy liquid thrust into the main chamber of my mouth effectively pressure washing my teeth, cheeks and gums at the rapid pace similar to that of a sneeze, none got out, I had won the battle, temporarily. I got round the roundabout, I was on a dual carriageway but it had no lay bys, no where to stop and release vomit with a high Ready Brek and golden syrup content in to the world, I had to keep driving, now torn between holding a disgraceful taste in my mouth or swallowing. I had to swallow it, I had to. I took a deep breath (through my nose) and went for it, gulp…….gulp……..and with a shudder a final gulp, it was down, it made my back shiver, my head was a mess but I was approaching another roundabout so had to concentrate on the road. It was a horrible 10 minutes but I got to work, spat about 50 times down the toilet and carried on my day. There was not a chance I was braving Marmite Ready Brek today, not a chance. Maybe tomorrow.
Today was to be memorable for me and taught me a valuable lesson, the internet isn’t always right (I appreciate there is some irony in making that statement on a diary which itself is on the internet). The start to my day was different as I had a doctors appointment at 9:05am, this meant I didn’t have to leave until about 30 minutes later than usual so I could enjoy my morning serving of Ready Brek at my own pace, this mornings serving was generously sprinkled with a glaze of granulated sugar, it tasted good and surprisingly didn’t cause me to think about yesterdays vomiting incident, this was pleasing. I am certainly getting plenty of servings out of this box which is great for their cost per serving stat but not so great for my need to get through this quest. With that in mind I figured I might try adapting the Ready Brek to make it in to a savoury meal. Before leaving to the doctors I stumbled upon a website made for Marmite fans where they suggested Marmite Ready Brek would be ‘delightful’. We shall see. Off I went to the doctors, then on to work and after doing a lot of work in a short space of time then I was to face what was my biggest challenge so far in the cereal quest. I was about to serve something I was dreading more than All Bran Golden Crunch, more than Froot Loops and more than anyone who has ever stared at a bush tucker trial. I was dreading my Marmite Ready Brek, I was 99% sure that I was not going to enjoy it, but there was that 1% of possibility, that 1% that is usually disregarded and ignored like the crusts from a pizza but that 1%, that possibility was driving me to do this, driving me to try Ready Brek with Marmite. Today I won’t tell you what I thought of it or if I could stomach it and/or finish it, I can show you:
Today my entry will be brief, I ate sugar topped ready brek today, I found it hard as yesterdays serving was disgraceful but I got through it in the end, I can’t believe how much Ready Brek is still left. In other news:
Bournemouth are promoted. Incredible.
That is all.
The first thing I did when I woke up this morning was to check news on my phone, particularly sports news, had I dreamed yesterday or is it real, did Bournemouth really get promoted to the Championship? Yes they did. Simply amazing.
I rushed downstairs still jubilant from the promotion and chucked yet another serving of Ready Brek in to the microwave, I then went to do up the Ready Brek bag inner with a clip when what is the most annoying thing about Ready Brek kicked in to action. As I looked down and picked up the inner to clip it, tons of sweetened creamy sawdust ploomed in to the air and more specifically my right eye, temporarily blinding me, I am yet to find a way round this annoying static related frustration and after numerous bowls have obviously not learnt my lesson on moving my head away from the back. It didn’t matter I had another eye. After what was a better bowl of Ready Brek due to a lower temperature than usual (which I wish I had realised a week ago) I headed out to Messy Church, it was a fun morning with lovely people and I chose the doughnut with the most chocolate chips on, I wonder what age people stop doing that? I don’t plan on stopping any time soon.
This morning I was sure I was entering the last day of Ready Brek, I went down, poured out my beige sawdust mix in to my bowl, I stared at the remainder of the bag in disbelief, I swear Ready Brek reproduces in the packet. How on earth was there still 2 servings left after this one? I poured on and then smoothed out with milk, placed daintily in the microwave and rebelliously sprinkled on some sugar, rebellious due to the fact I couldn’t be bothered to move a metre to the other side of the kitchen to get a spoon so sprinkled straight from the bag, it could have been a catastrophe, I could have ended up with a slightly hardened massive sugar clump landing slap bang in the middle of the Ready Brek, luckily for me it didn’t but I was proud of the fact I was a risk taker. I enjoyed the Ready Brek, again at a slightly lesser temperature than previously consumed, I think Ready Brek has to be flavoured with sugar, golden syrup or if you have no taste or presumably friends, marmite. Eating with no topping/added flavour is not enjoyable at all. I took the rest of the box to work and figured I would eat as many bowls as it took to finish the stuff today. At lunch I quickly downed another bowl, I accidentally got the milk to Ready Brek ratio wrong and could have drank it through a straw, it was like a slightly sweetened bitty soup, but I ate it quickly as work was busy and I was in a rush. This left me with a bowlful of Ready Brek mixture left, I knew I had football tonight, I didn’t want to have to abort playing with sudden IBS issues, I knew that would be a risk if I opted for a third bowl but I was on day 7 and had the last serving (serving 10) to go so I wanted to finish today. I figured Ready Brek is meant to give you lots of slow burn carbohydrates so with me playing football maybe a 3rd bowl would be just what I need so I finished off the box, scattering more excess static Ready Brek over my work surfaces and ate a 3rd meal of Ready Brek for today, throughout all 3 meals of the day I was yet to find reason to chew. I can imagine you are wondering whether it improved my footballing skills for tonight, well I will have to let my fellow players be the judges but I did score 2 goals and nearly got my 2nd hat trick of the day (Ready Brek being the first) the cross came over, whipped in at pace but instead of a glorious headed goal completing the hat trick there was to be one of the most unfortunate own goals I had seen for a long while. Early on in the game a friend had injured his shoulder, he played on bravely and just ran holding his shoulder for the night, it was clearly sore. What he probably didn’t need was for someone to whip in a fast cross and the ball smack him on the shoulder, sending him to the ground in pain and bewildering the baffled goalkeeper sending the ball in to the back of the net, quite literally adding insult to injury. After that a recurring knee injury meant me having to take a turn in goal, I never did get the hat trick, but not bad at all for me and so far no side effects to eating 100% Ready Brek today.
Here is my Ready Brek Review:
Cereal Cost: £2.19
Real Servings per Box: 10
Cost per Serving: 21.9p
Pros – Very cheap per serving. Adaptable
Cons – Gets tedious fast, strange online serving suggestions.