Well today was going to be a big day. Plans for this day have been in preparation for months on end and there were certainly nerves. No, not my brothers wedding which coincidentally was today but of course the introduction of Grape Nuts in to my life. Grape Nuts (for those who do not know) do not contain any grapes or indeed any nuts. They are called Grape Nuts because originally they said they look like the seeds of a grape but are tough as a nut. This is a good rough explanation but allow me to go further. Grape Nuts taste similar to bran flakes, but they are broken in to tiny pip size pieces, when you have not tried them before you are taken back by how crunchy they are, I have read that they have taken out many a tooth during their long life so far. They are also dangerously high in fibre, perhaps then a foolish day to start eating them when I was being best man at my brothers wedding, even more so when my brother was to force me, my other brother and the ushers to eat a foot long hot dog and chips at lunch time, before the ceremony and before our best mans speech. So as I stood staring at what is the smallest box of cereal so far on the quest (although to be fair the bag inside is crammed full, something that I truly appreciate when you consider the likes of Froot Loops) I was nervous, really nervous but I do like a challenge so poured out the strange looking bowl of cereal, it looked like a bowl of chicken feed but that wasn’t going to stop me trying it. After the initial crunch I allowed the milk to soak in more to help shake the fear of snapping a tooth before speaking to a room full of people about my brother. It tasted a lot like bran flakes, I didn’t sugar sprinkle it today, I wanted to see what it was like ‘eau naturele’. The perhaps predictable stomach issues did arrive, of course they did but they were conveniently timed and didn’t effect what was a lovely day, congratulations to Mike and Claire and I can honestly say that had I realised 2 of my brothers bosses were going to be amongst the guests I would have dropped the line about regularly faking illnesses to get time off from the best mans speech. Honest.
Today I was starting to find Grape Nuts strange, I ate my bowlful in double quick time this morning as I got up really late so was in a rush, the bowl was delightful taste wise as today I sprinkled a little bit of sugar on but after that, pretty instantly I went upstairs at pace to tend to a very upset stomach, these things work instantly, if you gave every member of Royal Mail staff these at the start of a shift things would be done quicker and we would get our post faster, a suggestion that as yet I have not passed on to them. The thing I am finding strange is a lot of people talk about how great Grape Nuts ‘were’. They reminisce and talk about them like they are a deceased love one. No one says they have them any more, but everyone seems to claim they used to be great. Why do these people not still eat them if they are so great? Am I missing something? I can only imagine it is not just the IBS sufferer who gets battered from the inside by these shards of roughage. I will enquire more.
So as you may have established by not working today (unless you are the people that ‘keep the country going’) it is Bank Holiday Monday! Yay. A day off work for reasons unknown, always a bonus. Another thing that was quickly established today is that I only have one bowl left of Grape Nuts after the bowl I had today, on one hand sweet relief for my little stomach, on the other hand sad times for the strangely more-ish taste. They really are becoming like a close friend, but the sort of friend that although you like, a lot of your friendship is based on sympathy as they don’t appear to be loved very much by others.
Today was the first day of the year I gave the people who live opposite our house free evening entertainment. With the strange weather I had assumed our house had lost its ‘mozzie-magnatism’, I was wrong. I have a fear of all things that fly, I do not know where this stems from but do know it is wimpish. I do not like, flies, mozzies, wasps or bees, but I dislike mozzies more than bees as I get bitten so much. There is just a lot of me to eat I suppose. So when this time of year comes I can’t bear for them to be in my bedroom when I am trying to sleep. So as I got in to bed tonight before writing this I heard a mozzie near my ear, then it flew off, this is where my neighbours can have great entertainment, that is if ‘great entertainment’ is watching a silhouette of me through curtains standing on the bed in my boxers trying to kill a mozzie with a piece of tissue. I killed the little sucker (literal, not me trying to be cool) accuracy was high, thank you Grape Nuts.
No sooner had my taste buds adapted to the crunchiness and bewilderment of Grape Nuts than the box was over. Luckily as an experienced cereal eater I was not fooled by the fairly unbelievable claims of 10 servings scribbled on the box by Post, the makers of Grape Nuts, in fact considering the box is barely the size of a box of Maltesers it is a miracle they have lasted 4 servings. Although a short one, our relationship has been up and down, up was the taste, down was the quick movement from mouth to oesophagus to exit of body.
Here are the vital statistics for Post Grape Nuts:
Cereal Cost: £2.49
Real Servings per Box: 4
Cost per Serving: 62.2
Pros – Delightfully simple. Don’t pretend to be something their not.
Cons – Very expensive, huge liars when it comes to servings in the box, IBS issues.