Well well well, who would believe it in the last 2 weeks I have noticed 6 new cereals on the shelves in Tesco’s, my situation is simple, if the cereal manufacturers keep bringing out new cereals at this pace it will be physically impossible for me to ever finish the quest! So as I perused the new products I stumbled across one which intrigued me enough to buy it. Ladies and Gentlement, let me introduce Nestlé Cookie Crisp Brownie:
So please let me tell you straight away that taste wise this cereal has about as much in common with cookies and brownies as bricks do with yoghurts. It frustrates me massively as this cereal has potential, I like the taste of cookies, I like the taste of brownies but these simply do not taste of either. Nestlé have only done half the job, they have made the cereal loosely resemble a chocolate brownie but it still doesn’t taste like one. You can dress me up to look like an Outer Mongolian Yak Herder but it doesn’t mean I am one. I’m annoyed, you might be able to tell. Taste wise these are OK, they don’t even vaguely resemble cookies or brownies but that doesn’t mean they don’t taste OK. They are very crunchy but essentially taste exactly the same as Cookie Crisp Original, the slight difference I have found is that as you go down the bowl the bits of cereal lose their brown colour and give it to the milk which to be fair tastes nice and chocolatey at the end. This cereal may also have given me special powers, its a long shot but maybe. Tonight I popped upstairs to have a wee, half way through my liquid emptying I heard my wife scream in pain, I was worried and somehow managed to do the impossible for a man of my age, I stopped mid flow. I was impressed and perhaps reading this you are, perhaps but doubtful. I ran downstairs to find that my wife had not burnt herself or set herself on fire or anything to serious, she had hurt her fingers killing a mosquito with a tissue. I love my wife to bits.
So this morning I ate another bowl of extremely crunchy Nestlé Cookie Crisp Brownie, they were very crunchy, scratch the roof of your mouth crunchy, but that I think is a good thing. The chocolate milk they left me was a pleasure it really was a precious morning gift. At lunch time I went to have another bowl and spent the whole bowl looking for a glimmer, a sign, a tiny taste of brownie type flavour, the search was hard the quest to find brownie taste was about as hard as a snails quest to cross the Sahara. It frustrated me and prompted me to get in touch with Nestlé:
As I perused the shelves in Tesco’s yesterday lunch time to find a new cereal to try I was whistling the only two lines I know of the song ‘Hot Time Summer in the City’ by ‘The Lovin’ Spoonful’ repeatedly, it was after all a beautiful summers day. A man walked past clutching a hot chicken he had picked up from the hot food counter, he was holding it tight like it was the remains of a loved one, it bemused me how fond he was of this dead cooked chicken that I found myself staring at him accidentally in a way that suggested his behaviour was a tad confusing to me. He didn’t appreciate me staring and made it clear by tutting under his breath, his tut was just about loud enough for me to hear. He walked pretty much at me so I had to dodge out the way and I found my left leg clattering in to a display of your new Cookie Crisp Brownie cereal, I was confused because a) I hadn’t meant to irritate the man and b) because I hadn’t seen your cereal on the cereal shelves (it’s natural home) so was surprised to see it next to jars and jars of Uncle Ben’s Sweet and Sour sauce, Uncle Ben’s gleaming shiny bald head was glistening in the light. I figured it must be fate so decided I would pick up a box of your Cookie Crisp Brownie and take it to the till. I paid and then took it back to my car, on the way to my car I saw a man getting on to a Harley Davidson, he was a fairly large chap and he was wearing a leather jacket (which for the weather was ludicrous) with ‘Harley Davidson’ on the back, I found it a little funny that Harley Davidson riders wear Harley Davidson clothing, I am yet to find a Nissan Almera Tino jacket to wear in my car, if you ever come across one please do let me know. When I got back to work I poured out a bowl of your new cereal, they looked like they were going to taste really good, after all the name of the product and look of the product make it look like mini chocolate brownies and as a man quite fond of all sorts of cakes (ask my wife, she will no doubt confirm) this was pleasing to me. Unfortunately this was where most of my happiness ended. You see your cereal is very good at looking nice but when it comes to taste it has about as much in common with chocolate brownies as I do DIY skills (again feel free to ask my wife, a shelf I put up literally pulled itself out of the wall the other week almost crushing my daughters pink ukulele). In the late 1990′s I appeared in a local church pantomime production of Cinderella, I was playing the part of an ugly sister, I really did look the part in a lovely floral dress kindly donated by an elderly member of the congregation specifically for use in the pantomime, I even put on a fairly convincing high ladies voice to complete the character, a voice that I know I would never be able to replicate these days given my age and the fact that I am now more of a man. You see although for that excellent 90 minute musical production I was an ugly sister the reality of it was that when it finished I took off the dress, put back on my corduroy trousers and cardigan and was back to being my normal teenage boy self. I was not and will never be a woman, or a sister, ugliness maybe, but never a female. Hopefully you can see what this analogy is all about. Unfortunately your cereal dresses its self up to look great and chocolate brownie like but that is where the comparisons stop. Taste wise it isn’t terrible, I have tried a lot worse cereals recently (Jordan’s Super Nutty Granola for example) but I am frustrated by the fact it simply does not taste like brownies and in the big scheme of food related importance ‘taste’ is fairly high up. I let it slide with original Cookie Crisp (which also tastes nothing like cookies) but felt the need to share my frustrations on your second Cookie Crisp release. I am letting you know as I know how important customer feedback is and I hope you can take my points on board. Finally I also spotted on the back of your box (which includes a nice range of entertaining puzzles for which I thank you) your mascot/character is called Chip, he also looks nothing like a chip. Might I suggest a better name for this chap to be Wolfy the Wolf.
This mornings bowl of Nestlé Cookie Crisp Brownie still had no taste of cookies or brownies, aside from that it was an enjoyable crunchy wake up call. It is worth noting that the apparent chocolate chips in fact are not, they are there for appearance and in no other way do they resemble the humble chocolate chip you will have no doubt baked with as a child (one for me, one for the cake), this is seemingly the way Nestlé are focussing on this cereal, for them it’s all about appearance. At lunch time during my 2nd of today’s bowls I noticed that several of the ‘brownies’ were very salty, which added a lot of peculiar savouriness to this otherwise sweet treat. As I sat down to lunch I noticed an email I had received, it was from Nestlé, it was a reply, a reply that left me a bit confused, what do you think?
Thanks for your email – it was a very enjoyable read and it definitely will be shared within the department!
I’m sorry to learn that you do not feel this cereal is not truly reflective of its name; I would like to reassure you that we have not set out to misrepresent this cereal. All our pack designs, titles etc are checked with our legal and regulatory department to ensure that the packs, cereals are not in any way misleading the consumer.
May I reassure you that we take all consumer comments seriously as consumer feedback is important to us. I will ensure that your comments are brought to the attention of our Research & Marketing Teams for future reference.
I appreciate the time you have taken to contact us and thank you for the very entertaining read.
Those reading the post title need not panic, I don’t mean for Nestlé, purely its for me, the box is gone. Yet again I found them salty which is really odd, I waited til I had finished all of them and set about composing a reply to Zack at Nestlé consumer relations:
Real Servings per Box: 6
Cost per Serving: 41.5p
Pros – Taste nice (although not of Brownie), surprising amount of servings in the box.
Cons – Don’t taste like brownies or cookies. This is their biggest fault.