This morning brought a new start, a new exciting challenge, something I have never had before, despite my reservations I had to go in with an open mind, last night I got told they were the “best cereal ever”, so that was in the back of my mind before opening the box.
I opened up my Kelloggs Froot Loops to see a huge lack of anything as you can see here:
As you can see, nearly half empty, or half full depending on your view of the world. At first I was annoyed at this, then when I saw these poured in to a bowl and had a whiff of them I was glad there wasn’t any more in the bag:
They smell wrong, they do not smell like cereal, but then it was for the taste test. I poured on the milk and took a spoonful, there was no immediate flavour, my first impression was that they were rock hard, (I think part of one of my teeth my be swimming through my intestine as I type), then I sat and waited, still not much flavour, then I went for them in individual colours, pink – no flavour, yellow – no flavour, orange – no flavour, green – oh my goodness, the most disgusting flavour in my breakfast cereal history, simply horrible, it tastes like the time I was about 8 and tried making lemon and lime milkshake using squash and full fat milk and it curdled horribly (don’t try this at home, it made me very sick), that is what this disgraceful cereal tastes like. If you imagine leaving some Opal Fruits in milk overnight then pour that on some Cheerios, bingo, you have got Froot Loops. Worse of all is that I have to finish the box, I have to keep the quest going, I will sit and watch the contents go slowly down until another cereal brings me relief, I am frustrated that I have to eat the rest, I feel like Usain Bolt would if you told him you had to do his next 100m riding on the back of a garden snail.
Things may pick up, maybe its me, maybe my taste buds are off as I have a cold, we shall see.
Things may pick up
This morning I got up, Isla was asleep so I went downstairs and boiled the kettle and put the cricket on. I made a cup of tea and a bowl of Froot Loops (I should have said previously but I find the appalling spelling of ‘fruit’ adds to my dislike of them) and started eating them, I had eaten about 3 teaspoons full (I eat cereal with a teaspoon) and I heard Isla wake. I left my cereal and went upstairs, I got Isla changed which took a while as she wanted to brush her cats hair, I got back downstairs, made Isla’s porridge and started feeding her, I then picked up my Froot loops and they were still rock hard, slightly wrinkled round the edges like heavily bathed fingers but on the whole still massively crunchy, great you might think but they still tasted massively disgusting, almost as discussing as hearing one of our youth group tonight once laughing chicken out of her nose.
I have, as you may have seen, not enjoyed my introduction to Froot Loops and what confuses me most is the fact that I know they are massively popular in America. I know friends who have bought boxes home with them from holidays. However this is the problem; Kellogg’s sell loads in the US, they are very popular, Kellogg’s noticed a lot of British people import them online and thought, well we need to make hay while the sun shines here (in this case Froot Loops are the hay and British importers are the sun) BUT UK laws mean they can’t put all the same flavourings/chemicals as they do in America so they have to adapt the recipe and now they are repugnant.
In fact people I know say the UK version is pitiful in comparison, a comment backed up by some research I have done. Both the UK and the US version are available on Amazon, UK average rating is 2 Stars, the US version is 4.5 Stars, that’s a massive 2 and a quarter times better.
Still, only got a few servings left!
Got up this morning wanting to get breakfast out the way as quick as possible, like downing a horrible drink at a party when you’re 13 just to impress your mates. Even my daughter who usually wants anything I’m eating shows no interest at all. That meant I had time to play with them a bit, time to analyse, here’s what I’ve realised; the purple and orange ones are pretty flavourless, my hatred of this cereal boils down to one thing. The green ones, the lime ones, citrus does NOT work with milk, it bemuses me as to why they would do this. Why not add a strawberry flavour, classically strawberry works with milk, ask Crusha.
Talking of asking, I’ve asked Kellogg’s why they have mixed citrus with milk, as yet……no reply.
So this morning after another rancidly dull serving of Froot Loops I looked and I have at a maximum 1 days worth of Froot Loops left, one day too many.
Kellogg’s have not replied yet. Quite honestly I am bored of them. Because I don’t want to look like a big moaner I am not writing anymore today, I’m biting my tongue, although biting ones tongue really hurts and tastes like bacon.
It’s rare that I say ‘hoorah’ but I am genuinely overjoyed about the following blurry image:
Finally, I have finished this box of rock hard cylindrical disgusting filth, good riddance. I blame the total lack of nutrients and joy I am getting from them for the reason that I fell knee first up some metal stairs earlier (when I also realised that I have reached the age that when I fall over I have to kneel on all fours for a moment to think about what has just happened and how I am going to approach getting up). Here are the stats and after the stats I have thought of some excellent alternative uses for Froot Loops.
Cereal Cost: £2.50
Real Servings per Box: 5
Cost per Serving: 50p
Pros – Not scared of going soggy in milk.
Cons – Where to start! Disgusting flavours, harder that the average rock, citrus and milk combinations, most expensive cereal per portion so far.
So as my hatred of this cereal grows I have been thinking of some alternative uses for them, they must be useful for something surely?
Here is my list: