Tonight my wife was at college (panic not, she is not 16 she is doing an evening course) so I couldn’t be bothered to cook, which of course meant it was time to start my next cereal…..Sugar Puffs! I have had Sugar Puffs plenty of times before but to analyse them will mean more than just saying that they make your wee smell of Sugar Puffs (although that is very much the case). My first bowl was good, they do struggle a bit with milk, they start melting in to mush if you give them to much time so I was a little rushed. Something I noticed was that despite their famous hero the Honey Monster the cereal only contains 3% honey, I will be bringing this up with them. Saying that the world is losing it and there are worse things in the world, like the fact that manufacturers of presents I have bought people are starting to write instructions in text speak (or spk) like this:
Unbelievable, although saying ‘please’ is a rare bit of politeness in operational instructions, usually they speak to you like you are an invalid.
This morning was different for a weekday, yesterday I got told I could have today off as a Christmas treat, so I had a bit of a lie in until just after 8am, on a Wednesday, what a treat. I got up and like most people the first thing I did was pop to the loo for a wee. It wasn’t as cold as it has been recently but was cold enough for what I refer to as ‘wee steam’ to be generated (when the temperature of the wee is so hot in comparison with the air temperature it creates a steamy wee cloud). Now this happens, its a fact of life, except last night as you may have read I started my Sugar Puffs, this meant that my wee steam was flavoured, the hot steams aroma smelt strongly of Sugar Puffs, ordinarily I can deal with this, indeed in public or work toilets during the middle of the day leaving a slight smell of Sugar Puffs can be fun and intriguing for the next entrant, (I always use a cubicle, I’m not a big fan of urinals since a heavily bearded man in Yeovil Town FC’s away end toilets manage to ricochet his rancid beer laced urine in to my innocent left eye whilst he was blatently trying to draw a face on the stainless steel wall with his own wee) I imagine, and thus rewarding for me, however on this occasion the Sugar Puff aroma was not a positive. I went downstairs to have my breakfast whilst watching BBC News and seeing the female presenter dressed as a Christmas tree decoration, the major problem was that my cereal now smelt of my wee. I am fine with wee smelling of Sugar Puffs but not vice versa. Each time I put the spoon near my mouth I could smell my wee from 5 minutes ago. This is what I call ‘bad’ or ‘not very nice’. I have learnt a lesson today, do NOT have Sugar Puffs in the evening if you plan on having them in the morning. Tomorrow I plan on phoning the good people at Sugar Puffs to enquire about the reasons for the smelly wee. We shall see what happens maybe they can give me some tips.
Today started with confusion as to who or what pressed snooze on my alarm 7 times. After that infusion I went to the loo and can confirm no Sugar Puff odour. I went downstairs and could chomp down another bowl of those sweet Sugar Puffs. They were good they tasted good and I think I got the milk to Sugar Puffs ratios right, barely any lost out to the milky tide today. At work I made a call to Sugar Puffs, I wanted to solve the mystery of why Sugar Puffs make your wee smell, I spoke to a wonderfully helpful young lady who unfortunately couldn’t give me the answer straight away, she did however inform me of other varieties of Sugar Puffs their are, I had no idea their were 7, and more impressively they have a seasonal range, some that come out in summer (Party Puffs), some that come out at winter (Snowy Puffs, which sound amazing and come with with bits of meringue!), they also do Honeycomb Sugar Puffs, Honey Waffles, Choco Waffles, Choco Puffs and the slightly less exciting sounding Puffed Wheat, which I guarantee when I try I put sugar on! All this information adds excitement and about another month on to my quest! The question that jumps to my mind straight away is…..do ‘Choco Puffs’ make your wee smell of chocolate? Time will tell. The kind young lady told me she would call me back with the answer to my question and true to her word she did call me back, she told me that the Honey Monster suggests I checked out his Facebook page as I would find the answer on there.
Sugar Puffs or Honey Monster Foods have been really helpful, much like Weetabix, although I did see something on Twitter that made me think that despite the fact Weetabix were helpful they may also think that everyone in the world is thick:
I’m not sure that ‘recipe’ is going to be too challenge.
Anyway after work of course I jumped straight on to the Honey Monster Facebook page, I ‘Liked’ him (both genuinely and on Facebook) because I wanted to find the answer and let the search begin. Surprisingly for a big yellow man who surely must struggle with dexterity in his fingers he is a serial (excuse the pun) Facebooker, there was loads to trawl through, lots of competitions and updates which I think is a good thing especially as nowadays it is rare to find fun things to do on the back of cereal packets like when the Coco Pops monkey would have a maze/wordsearch or something to do on there, well the Honey Monster has stepped up to the plate, even on my pack there are 3 different things to do. To complete the comeback of things I would like to happen to packaging I would like it if instant wins like in crisps (£5 in a pack of Walkers Cheese and Onion once!) came back rather than ‘text to enter’ rubbish. But that is a different quest, we are not talking crisps, we are trying to find out why when you eat Sugar Puffs your wee smells of Sugar Puffs and I can reveal that after an extensive search, including using the find feature on my browser for words such as ‘wee’ and ‘smell’ that the answer was…….no where to be found, at least not by me, it may be there but I can’t see it (which by the way is something my wife hates me saying when she asks me to get things out of cupboards). Tomorrow I will contact Honey Monster HQ again, I WILL find the answer.
Today was one of the best days on the calendar, the last day of work before Christmas for many, lots of people listening to or singing ‘Driving Home for Christmas’ on their journey back from work and happiness all around. It was very good for me, I got to leave work just after work and better still I had 2 bowls of Sugar Puffs, 1 for breakfast and 1 for lunch. I know what you are thinking and yes, it smells pungent. It was a brave move , I know how 1 portion of Sugar Puffs effects me, let alone 2.
In the evening I met up with two of my best friends, we went out to play snooker or at least try to. We were walking there when a fairly young scruffy looking man around 25-30 years old who popped out from near a church, he stopped us and explained to us he was homeless, he was cold, he was thirsty, he explained that he needed to pay to stay in the homeless shelter tonight (something I previously assumed would be free), he seemed very genuine and he had just reached a tricky point in his life, I gave him enough for a bed for the night and told him to buy a coffee (in hindsight this man needed sleep and caffeine was not the best suggestion) with the rest of it. He was very grateful, we wished each other a Merry Christmas and went our separate ways. I turned to speak to my friends, but they were out of sight, about 100m up the road, nearly at the snooker club. I caught them up and asked them why they had walked off. “He could have had a knife!” they said, which brings up two issues, 1. How hard must it be for homeless people to get help if everyone thinks they are going to get attacked and 2. Why if my friends thought he may have a knife did they leg it and leave me on my own? To watch me get knifed from a distance? Thank you ‘friends’.
I thought to myself as we set up to play snooker, fortune favours the brave and these two are wimps, I’ve got this sewn up. Turns out I was wrong. Fortune favours the wimpish, little, snooker playing, own cue bringing, expensive drink buying people. To top it all off, if after losing to these people I had my downward stair walking technique questioned, apparently having my feet at 45 degree angles to ensure a maximum foot surface area to step ratio is foolish. Surely I am not the only person that does this without realising?
I have thought of a youth group game involving Sugar Puffs and two teams trying to stick as many to one lucky players face, due to their stickiness and light weight I think it may work!
Today was the end of my Sugar Puffs segment of the quest, at least for the original variety and might I say what an example to all they are, it must be tough being a one product brand amongst the big hitters like Kelloggs and Nestle but they have kept Sugar Puffs and the Honey Monster going for decades. This mornings serving was another good size portion of these jacketed sugared puffs and I have been amazed that I have managed to get 6 portions out of this relatively small 320g box, its not the 10 portions they advertise but it is not bad at all, today I have received suggestions and tips on how to counteract the wee issue, I can confirm that at 2.46pm this afternoon the received theory was disproved, the theory being if I didn’t go to the loo for a long period of time after eating them it wouldn’t smell of Sugar Puffs, unfortunately for this helpful wise theorist it would appear the smell stores itself until release. But as I have stated previously I don’t mind the smell and find it fun, just not before breakfast.
Here are Sugar Puffs vital statistics:
Cereal Cost: £1.00 (this was not advertised as a special offer)
Real Servings per Box: 6
Cost per Serving: 16.6p
Pros – Sweet, great mascot, helpful staff and nice milk flavouring ability, can give an aroma to your wee. Could also be used as fillings for bean bags. Cheapest Cost per serving thus far.
Cons – Prone to absorbing too much milk, wee aroma can be stored overnight. A cult character in the Honey Monster but there is only 3% honey, he may as well be called ‘Riboflavin Monster’.
At this 30 day mark I have done a pie chart to help analyse the story so far;
Of course as one door closes, another door opens, the door to be opened was my front door, despite being told by on the news that if your journey is ‘not essential’ do not travel due to the extensive flooding I went, I headed out. My journey was essential, I had a quest to continue and perhaps more importantly my wife wanted eggs. If there is anyone up in space at the moment and they focussed down on earth, then zoomed in on the UK, then zoomed in on Hampshire, then Fordingbridge, then the cereal aisle in the Co-op this afternoon they would have enjoyed watching me for 10 minutes pacing up and down trying to choose a cereal, then choosing one, walking off to get eggs, then returning to the cereal aisle after realising the cereal I had picked off contained pre-packed sachets (don’t tell me how big my portion should be Dorset Cereals!), I then picked up something I have never had before in my life, the first entry by Jordans in to the cereal quest, to be revealed tomorrow. At the checkout there appeared to be some Scouts offering to pack my bags for me, as it is nearly Christmas I let him (I assumed it was some part of their training to get a ‘bag packing’ badge or similar award), I said thank you (despite the fact that he hadn’t considered the fact that positioning the eggs in the bag where he did left them vulnerable to injury during a journey in normal weather let alone floods) and went home.
Until the morrow!