This morning I woke at around 7:30am and looked out my window to see a thick blanket of snow and a fairly young girl who had clearly never driven in snow before driving her Volkswagen Polo at pace towards a junction. I went downstairs and looked out at the back garden. My poor sun lounger which was meant to be put in the shed in October to avoid rust was covered in deep snow, so I took a photo of it and posted it on Facebook to join in the already hectic snow related banter that was taking place there because I am cool and that is what cool people do. It was then that my days plans would change somewhat when I received the following challenge:
I’m not the kind of guy to back away form a challenge and I figured this might be a different way to enjoy my brand new cereal Quaker Oat Crisp, so I went for it:
I can honestly say that it was the coldest bowl of cereal I have ever had in my hands. But I was sure my new cereal would cheer me right up. I vaguely remember having and enjoying Quaker Oat Crisp when I was younger, they are a strange cereal which have sadly, like Curly Wurly’s, shrunk in size since I was a boy. I remember them being about the size of bite size shredded wheat (2.5cm x 1.6cm) but these are now tiny in comparison, I also remember them having a weird but delightful deep taste but I couldn’t quite find it in them today, maybe because my back was numb and making the rest of my body shake. It is disappointing that I couldn’t find that flavour but I was sure that things would improve. And improve they did tonight, we received an email entitled ‘Good day, my dear’. This email was from a lady called Mrs. Angela Herbert a lady from Malta who had married a Ghanian, she gave greetings then went on to tell me some terrible news, her late husband was very rich but she is dying and has no family to give the money to, she said “I got your e-mail ID from the International website directory, and I prayed over it and it was reviewed to me divinely that you will be a trustworthy person who can invest my money to charity home outside my country”. How kind! But there was more; “my church Priest will present you to the bank where the money was deposited, because I have handed all the relevant document including the deposit certificate to my church Priest because I am now too-week and fragile to do things myself because of my desperate condition now, that is the main reason why I handed everything consigning this money over to my church Priest who always visit me here in the hospital and pray for me. Dear please feel free to contact my Priest,
Name: Ravened Father Patrick Ofori
As a church goer I am very excited that a Priest will be handling the transaction, however I am confused as she says she is “too week” and I don’t know if she means “two week” or “too week”. I am also worried for the Priest, I am sad to hear he has been “ravened”. But when I get the promised $4.5m I quite frankly won’t care, things are on the up! Until tomorrow!
After yesterday’s first experience of Oat Crisp on the cereal quest was perhaps effective by intense shivering I awoke today wanting to get it right. I poured the bowl and ate away whilst my wife enjoyed a lie in. They still tasted a bit odd, nothing like I remembered. When my wife got up she went to get her breakfast when she noticed that the milk had gone out of date on Monday! Today is Saturday. This is why they taste weird! I have bought fresh milk, hopefully tomorrow they will taste great.
Today I say down to have another bowl of Oat Crisp, it wasn’t bad, just lacked some excitement, and being called ‘Oat Crisp’ is a bit of a misleading name, they wimp out fairly quickly when they touch milk, ‘Oat Crisp for about a minute’ would be a better name. I remember them being malty in taste and they just don’t seem to taste like I remembered, so I decided to get in touch and wrote them the following message:
I am currently on a quest to try every UK cereal box by box and and doing a daily diary (which can be found atwww.thecerealquest.co.uk if interested). Earlier in the quest I had Sugar Puffs and was surprised to hear you no longer make them but not to worry about that. My question is about Quaker Oat Crisp, I was trying to find a your website to contact you and initially ended up on a website telling me about Quakers, the religious group, when I finally found your website I was excited to see a page with adverts of your products. I thought there might be an advert on Oat Crisp but it would appear you have taken an ‘all the eggs in one basket” approach to your adverts, in this case the basket is your ‘Oat So Simple’ range, of which I am yet to experience on the quest as yet. Oat Crisp is barely advertised on there and must feel like Joseph’s 11 brothers did when Joseph got an amazingly colourful coat (See Genesis Chapter 37). I wonder if you have got any serving suggestions for Oat Crisp? I also have vague memories of it as a child being a) larger and b) maltier in taste, am I dreaming? Whilst writing to you I would also like to enquire about your favoured Oat So Simple product, as I will be enjoying it later in the quest I wondered if it is available in just a normal box, not portioned off? I am a firm believer that as a 27 year old I should be allowed to choose how much cereal I have in the morning and not have this dictated to me. If not don’t worry I can just open up all the portions and mix.Thank you for your time.Best Regards,
Phil P.S – I love the hat/hair/cravat combo you have going on.”
Today I was the first one up so I got out of bed and headed downstairs, obviously after a default toilet trip. I reached for another bowl of Quaker Oat Crisp and sat down to enjoy them whilst watching Sky Sports News. Yet again I found that these tiny little oat parcels got over run by the milk, this is fine if the cereal is big enough in the first place but the change of state between these going from solid to a liquid (year 7 science) is ultra fast and unfortunately the liquid tastes like cold porridge.
I was hoping today that Quaker might reply to my message but alas it appears they have not as yet. I thought I would check out their Twitter to see if they had any news on there. Twitter is a very useful tool (especially on transfer deadline day) but it does my head in sometimes. I was looking for ‘Quaker UK’. Unbelievably in the list of people I might have possibly been searching for were author Jackie Collins and the frustratingly predictable comedienne for women Miranda Hart. To my knowledge neither of these people have anything to do with Quaker or oats.
Tomorrow maybe Quaker will get in touch. It will be day 50 of the cereal quest so I will be sure to celebrate in style!
Happy 50 Day Anniversary to Me!
Today I was excited, I started the day with a spring in my step and I needed it as yesterday my daughter learnt how to climb stairs so after clapping her for being so clever and encouraging her to show me when I got home from work we quickly confused her by putting up the worlds most fiddly stair gates. Which are a pain to open so hurdling seems easier. “Installation should take 5 minutes”, incorrect, it takes an hour for me and I consider (and have been called nothing more than) an average man.
So after hurdling the stair gate I poured another juicy bowl of Quaker Oat Crisp. I got about half way through it and hit a wall. I simply could not eat another bite, it is so bland, I do not understand, I was so sure I remembered it tasting nicer. Perhaps Quaker would get back to me in reply to my letter with some serving suggestions.
It was early morning at work when my phone lit up, a new message from Quaker Oats UK. Thank goodness, they will know how to spice this cereal up, after all who can forget that when I wrote to Weetabix for serving suggestions they gave me this Great ways to enjoy Weetabix, over 30 ways to enjoy their cereal! I was excited, I opened it up……
Are they having a laugh!?!? What do they think I have been doing for the past few days?!? “Hi Phil, we recommend serving your Oat Crisp in a bowl of cold milk….”. Really?!? Great idea because I had been serving them in a bowl with ‘Mr. Muscle Kitchen Multi Task’ and it just wasn’t working for me!!! Idiots. Its like walking in to a shoe shop and buying some shoes and the shopkeeper then turned around and said “you know what, I think they would look good worn on feet”. Fools.
What adds to my annoyance is that they completely ignore my question about the maltiness being missing from the flavour. Well Quaker UK, I have done my own research. I have dug out the archives to find the truth. Here is what I found, I was right. Quaker Oat Crisp used to be called ‘Oat Crunchies’, they did contain more malt and they did have more flavour, but Quaker did not want to tell me this because fairly surprisingly they contained more salt per 50g than the sea: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/97784/Cereals-saltier-than-sea.html
Hopefully tomorrows bowl will be the last for Quaker for a while, I know I still have plenty more Quaker cereal to try and I will learn to forgive their sarcastic ways in time. Tomorrow I will try a home made serving suggestion, a la me.
Luckily for me today was the last day Oat Crisp. We had got off on the right foot and things started off swimmingly but my body seemed to start rejecting them near the end. Today I knew I only had one portion left so I thought I would try giving them some flavour and grabbed a box of my daughters raisins.
The raisins added zero flavour, absolutely none, yet again I found myself trying to eat something that my body was refusing, my face resembled that of my daughters when I introduced her to twiglets.
Cereal Cost: £1.99.
Real Servings per Box: 6
Cost per Serving: 33p
Pros – Cheap, good if dieting.
Cons – Dull, very very dull. Go soggy really quick. The man who we have known and loved form Quaker with his long white hair and comic hat is a sarcastic unhelpful little old man.
Tomorrow I am guaranteed flavour and I can not wait.