Some of our youth group know about The Cereal Quest which is lovely and fine. Until they use their knowledge against you. Young people seem to be experts in the art of ‘malicious gifting’. Yesterday I had been given a ‘gift’ from some of the young people, they didn’t want me to miss out on cereal during our weekend away and had bought said ‘gift’ on the ferry (the same ferry that I managed to get on despite telling the lady at the check in area that I had to change the details of the car on the booking and that I was driving “the same car, it just has a different number plate”). They had bought me a box of foolishly named ‘All-Bran’, foolish because it is actually not ‘all’ bran, it is the following: “Wheat bran, sugar, malt flavor, contains 2% or less of salt.” The reason this gift was malicious is because they pretty much knew it would make me ill, but put me in the position of either declining a gift which would be rude or taking on a challenge I knew would make me ill but would give me an element of pride. I did the latter and took on the challenge, I won’t analyse the bird nest type texture or cardboard taste now as one day I will have to eat a whole box before the end of the quest but I will briefly sum up the side effects. Despite the job of a great final bowl of Kellogg’s Chocolate Caramel Krave cereal in the evening when I got home to try and stiffen up my insides (final bowl, just 4 servings after Kellogg’s claimed 12!) I can describe All Bran as the cereal alternative to Colonic Irrigation, I have lost around a third of a stone in a day due to having an incredibly poorly stomach, IBS and All Bran are not, have never been and never will be friends.
The pillows of joy that were Kellogg’s Krave Chocolate Caramel ended before they really begun, they don’t have a chance to impress you with consistency due to their ridiculous sized box. Here are their vital statistics:
Cereal Cost: £2.69.
Real Servings per Box: 4
Cost per Serving: 67.25p
Pros – Nice and crunchy (when not microwaved), great taste, good amount of dust at the bottom of the bag.
Cons – Huge cost per serving in comparison to other cereals, they leave you wanting more.
This sudden end to the cereal meant I had to panic buy whatever the Spar had that I hadn’t already tried on The Cereal Quest, with nothing exciting standing out and in the knowledge my stomach couldn’t do many more cartwheels I got myself a box of Shredded Wheat. The first thing most people probably realise when opening the box is that the delightful inner packs containing two Shredded Wheat, not normally a fan of compartmentalisation I can cope with it hear as it is sensible not to have too much wheat. 2 was enough for me this morning, a splash of milk and a sprinkling of sugar and I was off, unfortunately the base of the Shredded Wheats were soggy before I could sit down but the tops stood nice and firm and crisp. They really tasted OK, I was expecting a big drop after the tasty flavoursome Kellogg’s Krave Chocolate Caramel but the Shredded Wheat was good, tomorrow I will try eau naturel without the sugar.
As I awoke this morning and opened the curtains to see a beautiful sunny frosty morning, a wonderful way to start the day. I went downstairs to get my daughters breakfast ready, make me and my wife a cup of tea and get another couple of shredded wheat. It struck me this morning more than ever that Shredded Wheat could make a great ‘emergency gift’ at Christmas for when someone gets you a gift unexpectedly and you panic (having not realised you were ‘doing presents’) and usually grab them something random as a gift, these come pre-wrapped and with a bit of simply sprucing up they could look like this:
After this quick bit of craft I got my bowl of Shredded Wheat and sat down to eat. A simple way of working out if a cereal looks aesthetically pleasing is to eat it whilst my daughter is eating her breakfast (which today was Shreddies), if it does look good she will want mine not hers, she was not interested today. She thought that squares of brown were more interesting than my Shredded Wheat, she was right, but Shredded Wheat clearly wasn’t made to be exciting, it was made to make you feel like you are eating healthy, which today it did, I felt I had had a good fibre intake for the day. Unfortunately I had sprinkled sugar on this serving and after promising to try it without sugar on today I had to take a portion to work so I unwrapped the gift I had prepared earlier and popped it in my car to have at lunch.
At lunch I got my Shredded Wheat, poured on the milk and sat at my desk to enjoy, I had about a mouthful when I got unnecessarily barked at by a Springer Spaniel, I had done nothing to provoke the dog so I turned to face him and barked back. This continued for about 2 minutes (time flies when you are trying to out-bark a Springer Spaniel) then I realised my Shredded Wheat had been taking on loads of milk, to the point where there was no more milk to take on, it had worked its way up in to the wheat and made the majority of it soggy, I had to eat it, I don’t like cereal waste but the lack of sugar and the consistency of the Shredded Wheat left a lot to be desired, I finished the bowl off quickly and thought about where I had gone wrong, I worked out where it had gone wrong, I was a human and I had been barking at a dog, it was not Nestle’s fault. I was sorting out an email to send to Nestle to ask for serving suggestions today but then heard they had withdrawn sales of some of their ready meals due to them containing horse so figured they probably had enough on their plate without an unexpected email from me requesting serving suggestions to spice up what was a bland cereal.
I was considering having 3 bowls today but instead we had two lovely friends over for tea, I made them a burnt lasagne, I went to the freezer to get some garlic bread but their was only enough for 2 people, I considered trying to make Garlic Shredded Wheat but bottled it and instead made a homemade garlic bread on toast, garlic toast. We sat and reminisced on the good old days, the time I had ran out of his house scared because I thought I had eaten his Mum’s croissant by mistake and the time his arm got hit by a lorry and he didn’t move. It was a delightful evening, great company, peach squash, lemonade and peach squash with lemonade. Tonight has set my imagination going, maybe not garlic but would a Shredded Wheat be nice as a savoury?