It was 2:07am, there was loud noises outside my window, I peered through the curtains in a way that made only my left eye and part of my nose visible to the outside world. I scanned the driveway, there was nothing there, so I moved my eye towards the pavement and the road and could not believe my eyes, or eye. I then pulled back more of the curtain so I could not believe my eyes, and I could not believe my eyes. Outside my window was the most bizarre thing I have ever seen. I gazed out the window out in to the icy cold night and there were cereal boxes, loads of them, all stood in a circle, they had arms and legs made out of whispy furry rope/string that ordinarily would never have the strength to hold rigid and take the weight of these boxes of cereal. The cereal boxes were having what I could only describe as a dance off, each taking it in turns to stand in the middle of the circle and thrust there rigid box shaped bodies in a funky dancing style. The Weetabix fell over and the other boxes laughed at it. Not in a mean way, but in a ‘I’m laughing with you, not at you’ way. The box of Party Puffs (manufactured by Honey Monster Foods, the makers of Sugar Puffs) had a ‘ghetto blaster’ on its shoulder which I found humourous but confusing as I don’t live in ‘the ghetto’ that they were blasting. They were having a great time, the Dorset Cereals Proper Raspberry Porridge was particularly good at jumping but not so good at dancing. Kelloggs Crunchy Nut Corn Flakes was plain annoying and kept running in to the road and sliding on his knees like 9 year olds at discos, buffoon. I was confused that this didn’t hurt and that he didn’t get cut knees on the tarmac. Then I woke up. I sat bolt upright and pulled back plenty of the curtain to see if the cereals were outside dancing. They weren’t, of course they weren’t. It was a really vivid dream, yet another dream I have had in the last week since I had started eating Dorset Cereals Proper Raspberry Porridge, I struggled to get back to sleep. I was bemused, again. After managing to get a few more hours sleep after the dream I went downstairs and had my final serving of my Dorset Cereals Proper Raspberry Porridge, I went overboard on milk in an attempt to prevent stodginess, it proved to be a very sensible move, the porridge was creamier and nicer both flavour and consistency wise than any serving so far, it tasted great and kept me full until lunch. It was great to finish this cereal on a high and although I was looking forward to a cold quick cereal again I will miss certain elements of it, mainly the freeze dried raspberries.
Here are Dorset Cereals Proper Raspberry Porridge vital statistics:
Cereal Cost: £2.49.
Real Servings per Box: 6
Cost per Serving: 41.5p
Pros – Keeps you full for a long time, hot and therefor good in winter, good mix of flavours.
Cons – Takes a while to eat, makes me have really vivid dreams.
During the consumption of breakfast I was racking my brain as to what the meaning of this latest dream might be, I did what any sensible man might have done, I asked the internet. More specifically I asked a few ‘dream interpretation’ websites, a lot of them had no idea what the dream might mean and any feedback I received was particularly unhelpful. The best I got was the following:
Posted by hitoribochi89 Mar 13th, 2013
“Hmm dancing outside your house, pff obviously, they wanted attention! “Hey look at us! were having sooo much fun! woot woot”…so I interpret this as you having craving for breakfast cereals but think it would ruin your diet. I say go buy some!”
This was clever, I had not mentioned my quest yet he realised that I was “having craving for breakfast cereals”. I disagree that they will ruin my diet though. I am not on a diet. Yet.
A bit frustrated with the lack of understanding of my dreams I took matters in to my own hand, what could it mean, something to do with dancing and something to do with cereal? I am by no means a dancer so felt nervous about what I was meant to do I had no idea, I figured I would let my mouth do the talking and would not censor anything that my brain kindly offered it. So, as with all adventures I headed off to Tesco at lunch, particularly the cereal aisle in Tesco. It was there that I picked up my next cereal, ‘Chocolatey Cheerios’ I then just hovered around the cereal area clutching my cereal excited about a new taste but tentative about what might happen next. I then waited for my brain to tell my mouth what to do. I saw a lady, perhaps 40 years old but she was desperately trying to look about 30 years old. Then it happened “excuse me, I am going to dance up and down the cereal aisle holding this box of cereal, please can you take a photo of me?”. She was finding it “hilarious fun”, not her words, but I could pretty much tell, it was possibly the time of her life, she took a snap, (a word that is now rarely used but people still know it essentially means photo) :
Yes the photo is particularly blurred but I was dancing, in a fashionable cardigan in front of shelves full of adoring fans (cereal boxes). Things were going great but I was getting tired and quite frankly my head started to think “what on earth am I doing dancing up and down Tesco’s in front of a total stranger?” (this was the correct thing to be thinking given the situation). I was shaking with nerves like I was just about to sing in front of millions. My mind froze and the lady gave me back my phone and said thank you for putting a smile on her face. That is where we should have both walked off, she would have had her day brightened up and I would have a cheered up Tesco security staff watching CCTV. However my mouth then opened “Do you want to dance holding some cereal for me?”. Idiot. My stupid mouth. She panicked and laughed whilst speaking in an awkward way and muttered firmly “no, no thank you”, she then walked away from me, in fact she legged it, she walked as fast as you can walk without it being a run. I didn’t enjoy this incident. Nor did she.
I got back to work and poured my first bowl of Chocolatey Cheerios, I didn’t know what to expect because they are “NEW”. I assumed something like Wheetos as they look like Wheetos skinner cousins, they tasted funny, but in a good way and calmed me down following my Tesco fun. They were a different chocolate flavour to Weetos, more of an initial impact of chocolate flavour but then in faded out and tasted like normal Cheerios. It was so nice to have a nice simple bowl that could made and eaten within a few minutes. Porridge was a nice change but I was reminded of what a nightmare porridge could be reading a message I had received from our legendary vicar, (the vicar who’s legs are the basis of the almost popular saying “wow, they are almost as thin as the Vicar’s legs!”) , his message sums up how risky a cereal like porridge can be, maybe the reason he likes it is ‘the danger’, the not knowing if they will taste great or go AWOL, here is what he said:
“I feel a personal connection with your quest now that you have embarked on the porridge section of the journey. I don’t like most cereals but the cold, winter months see my searching the more obscure parts of Sainsbury’s shelves for Scott’s Old Fashioned Porage Oats. Why do you suppose they spell it like that? Might it be that it saves on the cost of the letraset? With last week’s Spring-like weather I had resumed my home-made muesli (itself worth a diversion on your quest) but this arctic north wind numbed and changed my mind. I came in from my morning prayers at church and opened a new box (it’s never a ‘packet’ – why’s that?) of oats. I measured them out: a particular small mug two thirds full. My method is then to add similar amounts of milk and water. I put the mixture on the oven hob (why ever would you expect someone who eats Scott’s Old Fashioned porridge to have a microwave?) and had an uneasy feeling I had omitted the water, but couldn’t feel certain and felt confident I could remedy that if it began to look a little too thick. Because, predictably, my wife says I can’t muli-task I, predictably, try to do so, and set about recording a piece of music from one cassette tape to another, a process now as weird and antiquated as Scott’s oats or not having a microwave. Then the phone rang. This entailed my leaving the room, as the loud African beat of the music might sound rather unprofessional in a vicarage at 8.45am. It was an unlikely person calling who, it turned out, was hoping I would provide a reference for a job application. That the conversation was a little involved meant that on returning to the kitchen the tape had over played disastrously, and the porridge had boiled nearly dry. Now I felt certain about the failiure to add water. I should have given in at this point. I even considered throwing it away, but how do you do that with burnt porridge? Into the bin seems disgusting, but putting it down the toilet always reminds me of being sick. So, instead, I added water and hoped it would mix together and restore a nice consistency. This works while it’s cooking but I wasn’t sure about when you have over-cooked it. Then the door bell rang. It was my administrator arriving to help me with work. I apologised and she returned across the permafrost to the cold office in the church hall while I completed my own small, increasingly desperate quest to have some breakfast. I ran back to the now boiling experiment. My fears were realised. Over done Porridge and water do not mix . Why is that? And who would have supposed that porridge contains so many mysteries? I poured it into the dish, but it just looked like a collection of lumps floating in hot water. So I braced myself and headed for the toilet with the bowl, when the door bell rang. It was your mother, Phil. And I thought, I’m not man enough for even one day’s quest. Leave it to the expert. God bless your onward journey, friend, and bring back the answers to these and other breakfast mysteries.”
What a legend.
This morning I woke realising quite how long my cereal quest post was. Apologies but if you do read it on the loo like people have told me they do then if you have an upset stomach it will be a perfect length read for you. Today I will be brief, I had another bowl of Chocolatey Cheerios in the morning, I noticed that this cereal is one which you put in your mouth, then draw the milk through the cereal to create a nice chocolatey milk and then crunch the cereal. By the time you come to crunch however the flavour is back to same old Cheerios. At work I had another bowl at lunch and fear this cereal will be over quick, normal Cheerios are packed in a lot bigger boxes than these, it irritates me that cereal manufacturers make nice versions of boring cereals and then chuck them in tiny boxes.
This morning when I went to get my breakfast I was quite literally amazed at what I saw on the box of Chocolatey Cheerios, lets not forget that Nestle have been making cereals and other foods for years, yet I knew something about food that it would appear they have only just found themselves:
Incredible. However I did sit and enjoy another bowl and thought they tasted OK until my wife informed me the milk I had used was 3 days out of date, it was then that I felt sick.
I had a 2nd bowl at work today but there was no milk so had to have them dry. They really did taste good, maybe even better without the milk. I wouldn’t like them dry in the morning but I think as a daytime snack they were just the ticket.
With fresh milk in the fridge (thank you Mrs B) and having been up stupidly earlier to watch the first Formula 1 Qualifying session of the 2013 season, from Australia (which annoyingly after getting up early and only 20 minutes of qualifying it got rained off) I went and got what was to be my last serving of these Chocolately Cheerios. They were lacking any dust at the bottom of the packet which is standard for such rigidly shaped cereal. I also noticed that there were quite a few over cooked smaller rock hard loops which had a gobstopper type strength to them, this was frustrating. The bowl however was filling and refreshing and gave me enough energy to go on a 2 hour Geocaching walk with a baby on my back. I wouldn’t rush out to buy these again but I have nothing against them. I think if I had to choose I would go for their Honey Cheerios over these, take my word for it. They are better.
Here are Chocolatey Cheerios vital statistics:
Cereal Cost: £2.29.
Real Servings per Box: 6
Cost per Serving: 38.1p
Pros – Stay crunchy to the end. Taste good even without milk.
Cons – Flavour can disappear quickly and quite a small box.