One door closing (Coco Pops Coco Rocks) led to another door opening, the door opening led me to a return to muesli, more specifically Alpen No Added Sugar.
Muesli has a special place in my heart, my guilty pleasure. I love the taste (pleasure) but my wife doesn’t like me eating it as it makes me particularly ill (guilt). I have already had Alpen right near the start of the quest so was excited to see it back in my bowl. On opening the box I was impressed. The tab which keeps the box shut when not in use is really sturdy, its trustworthy and reliable, so much so I could happily transport it to and from work in my trusty Nissan Almera Tino without even securing it with a seat belt, however as I am a law abiding citizen and I consider that on lone journeys my cereal is as closest thing to a passenger (aside from my ukulele) that I have that I should make sure it is belted in. I had a bowl of Alpen No Added Sugar in the evening before a meeting and to be honest I just felt there was something missing from normal Alpen but right now I can’t seem to put my finger on it.
Alpen No Added Sugar, there just seemed to be something missing.
If someone had have said to me 103 days ago that in 103 days time I would eat 2 bowls of muesli in the same day and not have my stomach rupture and explode straight away I would have laughed at them (then questioned why they were making such specific statements about the future). However today I bravely attempted this feat.
I got up still puzzled as to what was lacking from my Alpen No Added Sugar Muesli. Then it hit me. Sugar. Sugar was what needed to be added to make it taste like nice muesli. Perhaps I should let Alpen know.
I poured my serving out this morning and chucked in the milk. The milk absconded, went completely out of sight, like the victims in the 1958 sci-fi thriller The Blob, the milk was no where to be seen. I poured more in until eventually the mystery absorption ingredient hidden away in Alpen No Added Sugar could take no more and the milk won. The joy of muesli in my opinion are the raisins. The chewy, sweet, squidgy treats that hide in and amongst the miscellaneous abundance of confusion that is the rest of the muesli. If you get a spoonful with a raisin on you felt like you have won, you are the victor until the next spoon.
After being victorious in the raisin game at breakfast I headed to work and at lunchtime sat down for my 2nd bowl of muesli for today. You’ve got to take risks in life and as an IBS sufferer there are fewer bigger risks (namely All Bran or drinking bottle after bottle of Pepto Mismol) in my life. I did it, I ate the bowl, they were great, they were filling and possibly tasted better due to the excitable/nervous feelings running around in my tiny head regarding IBS. But as I sit and write this in the evening so far my body has not self com-busted. This is an achievement possibly on a par to that of when. despite tripping at the board instead of jumping I beat my personal long jump record in P.E in year 7.
I was startled this morning at 7:00am by the sound of a car considerately beeping its horn at this early hour outside my house. This didn’t fill me with joy if I’m honest however I was looking forward to breakfast and some Alpen No Added Sugar, to which I would add sugar. As I was eating I was wondering if flapjack manufacturers had considered making flapjacks with muesli, I don’t know if I’ll ever find out but to me it seems like a good idea. Alpen No Added Sugar really made me happy today, it was a really good bowl as I’m nearing the bottom of the pack I am finding more of their jumbo raisins. As I left for work my new car sounded like it had been ‘suupd up’ it sounded really sporty, unfortunately it is a Nissan Almera Tino so most definitely should not sound this way so I popped it in to the garage. A few hours and £177.00 later with a new exhaust and a puncture repaired I had the car back. I should not be allowed vehicles.
My wife and I had very generously been bought some tickets to watch the Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain in Salisbury, they were superb at playing my favourite instrument and were funny too. Unfortunately on the way my stomach started hurting, the reason, I have no doubt was Alpen No Added Sugar, its fair to stay my stomach was cramping constantly through the first half so I figured I would get an ice cream at the interval, I wanted something that would help settle it and calm it down, it was almost like the ice cream sellers knew my stomach ached when they started selling this:
Ginger is renowned for easing digestive pain and it did just that, it was perfect for what I needed. Now the more observant of you will notice the real reason I took this photo, it wasn’t to show what ice cream I had, nor was it to point out the monk style hair cut of the elderly man in front. It was to point out the lady infront of us still had a massive label on her blouse. It was a big label, from M & Co, how you wouldn’t take your eye out when putting the blouse on is confusing but what following was great. Although I didn’t point it out to her (it wasn’t my place to after all, one wouldn’t want to embarrass her) she suddenly realised and must have felt it so in the smoothest motion possible and as slyly as she could (like when you are trying to eat things without your toddler realising) she ‘itched’ her back and quickly grabbed at it, pulling her body forward with the label until it snapped off. The person next to her must have thought she was having an attack, her body propelled at pace jerking forward like someone had pushed her in the back. It was a sight to behold.
I was right to go to bed last night worrying about the effects muesli was having on my stomach. As soon as I got up I felt my stomach cramping, my bathroom turned in to a hazardous and volatile area. My stomach was a mes
s. After about 30 minutes I exited the bathroom feeling lightheaded and dizzy. Then knew I had to face some more Muesli. Perfect Irony. Yet again I enjoyed the taste and texture through nervous teeth but they had me on edge for the rest of the morning annoyingly.
Here are the vital statistics for Alpen No Added Sugar:
Cereal Cost: £2.79.
Real Servings per Box: 5
Cost per Serving: 55.8p
Pros – Lovely flavour, a variety of textures and juicy raisins.
Cons – They treat my intestines like a play thing, quite expensive.
Tomorrow I am confronting the attacker….