So this morning I had a big challenge ahead of me. I had to be brave, courageous, and most of all, forgetful. Today I resumed (after a fairly long break of about 3 months) the consumption of my enemy, I was to start finishing my box of Jordans Country Crisp with Raspberries.
For those who are new to the quest or may have forgotten the history of Jordans Country Crisp with Raspberries and the cereal quest click here to catch up on what happened: http://www.thecerealquest.co.uk/?page_id=350
I was very fearful of what might happen especially as I have just been eating muesli, (another heavily oat based cereal). I got the box down from the cupboard and left it on the side to stare, I didn’t know what to do in this situation, I needed advice so of course I asked the internet, on this occasion I asked Yahoo Answers but tried to be as vague as I could so people wouldn’t think I was talking about cereal:
Unfortunately it would appear that Yahoo automatically put questions in categories thatthey think are most relevant and decided that this question was to do with ‘relationships’. However I was sure I would get some good advice, I wasn’t disappointed:
Wise words from Caitlin, she wasn’t to know that the Jordans Country Crisp with Raspberries was cereal and not someone I was having relationship trouble with but I thought it was just as applicable. She didn’t realise the cereal wouldn’t reply but I can confirm I did act ‘clueless’, I didn’t show them that I was hurt and I am sure my wife would agree I was ‘sweet and bubbly’. After a bit of tension, telling the cereal that it looked familiar and then saying that “I didn’t remember, sorry” I grabbed the box and poured out some still very crunchy (which after 3 months of being open in a cupboard is miraculous/worrying) Jordans Country Crisp with Raspberries. I drenched them in milk and sat down to watch the rest of a highly controversial F1 race. The cereal didn’t taste horrific, it isn’t very tasty but it isn’t on the same very low level as All Bran Golden Crunch. I do feel however that the birds in my garden would enjoy it more than me, but (to my knowledge) they are not doing The Cereal Quest so they can’t have it.
I woke up this morning to another abrupt and upset stomach which is no surprise to me having eaten yesterdays portion of Jordans Country Crisp with Tangy Raspberries. I came out the bathroom fed up and angry I sat in the lounge and did some thinking. Maybe I was being harsh, maybe I should be kinder, maybe I should think about why they might be treating me the way they are. So I did just that.
I sat thinking about how I might feel, of times where maybe I have felt like they did now. I remembered an incident vividly in which I felt similar, let me set the scene;
It was the summer of 1992 or possibly 1993, we were on our family holiday to Holimarine Holiday Park at Burnham-On-Sea. Me, my two brothers and my sister were in the kids club, I had a lovely red matching top and joggings bottoms that was probably the height of fashion at the time. My brothers Kevin (2nd from left) and Michael (2nd from right) had received special pre-holiday haircuts which were fashioned by placing a bowl on ones head and then simply cutting round it, Kevin had decided it was cool to place your shirt collars outside your jumper, Mike sat on an elephants hand and my sister had a fringe and seemingly a massive right knee. The ‘kids club’ should perhaps have been called the ‘get rid of your kids for a few hours’ club. One of the activities was hide and seek, this was exciting for me, I was relatively small and could get in to tight places, I was good at hide and seek, I would go as far as saying that at the age of 7/8 my expertise, my forté was hide and seek. We all stood on the dancefloor which was the base for any activity, we did the actions to ‘Agadoo’ and then went off to hide, I found a space under a bench in the cafe/diner, I rolled myself up as small as could in to a human snail and knelt there desperately praying I wouldn’t be found. My prayers were answered, perhaps too well. An hour later and with an achey back and neck I got bored of hiding, I surely must have won, I had been there for ages, in my mind I was so excited, I was going to win the prize for the ‘Best Hider’ I was sure of it. I got up and headed back to find the rest of the ‘kids club’. I found them, they were passing balloons between their knees to each other, not one of them looked like they were ‘seeking’. I had been left, forgotten about, ignored. These days they child protection/safety looks badly on losing/forgetting children, those days it was fine, in Burnham-on-Sea it was probably celebrated. I was really annoyed, not being missed was a horrible feeling, especially when 3 of the ‘non-misser’s’ were siblings. I think the people that ran the kids club were possibly alcoholics or in need of help, not only did they forget me (and not apologise or even notice my return) but later on the holiday they rewarded my eldest brother Michael an award which still to this day he probably thinks is his proudest achievement, some sort of strongest man award or similar (either way it was a crazy choice of victor), I can’t remember exactly what the award was but on reading this he will no doubt remind me.
The feeling of being forgotten about, cramped up under a bench for an hour, no one even considering coming to get me did make me think about possibly how my Jordans Country Crisp with Raspberries was feeling after being shut away for 3 months. I got the box out and, in the same way some people speak to their flowers, I spoke to my cereal, I told it that I knew how it felt, I explained about the Holimarine holiday and another hide and seek incident where I got shut in a rabbit hutch for 45 minutes in France and I think there was a connection. I ate my cereal, it tasted better than yesterday, maybe my new positive outlook was helping, maybe I just got a lucky serving but so far today I have not had stomach cramps or pain of any sort. Maybe, just maybe talking to my cereals on their level helps.
Before I begin todays post I must quickly say that the award my brother won on holiday was “Mr Muscle”. Secondly I must apologise. Yesterday I recalled being left when playing hide and seek and no one worried about finding me, I stated “These days they child protection/safety looks badly on losing/forgetting children, those days it was fine.” I have been reminded that I myself when leading a youth group just last year forgot a young person who was hiding during hide and seek completely and continued on with another game until she walked in to the main meeting area and said “I got bored of hiding”. So I am sorry.
On with today. I knew that I only had one more serving of Jordans Country Crisp with Tangy Raspberries, and for that I was truly thankful. Even though yesterday they were a bit better I can’t say I have enjoyed it that much. I sat down and managed to chew through my last bowl which was made somewhat better by the huge quantities of freeze dried raspberries that had swam their way to the bottom of the box over the past 3 months. They don’t make it easier to chew for what seems a life time on the clusters of boredom. I enjoyed chewing on said clusters about as much as I enjoy the fact my daughter has learnt to hold her elbows tight in to her chest to make it physically impossible to pick her up. I haven’t really made good life long friends with Jordans Country Crisp with Tangy Raspberries. However, I wouldn’t go as far as this bloke did online, essentially blaming Jordans Cereals for the UK’s growing (no pun intended) obesity problem:
“The harsh fact is, this stuff just doesn’t break down quick enough and makes eating it quite a chore, try eating a full jar of peanut butter with a spoon and you’d probably get the same effect. I know this is healthy food but c’mon, does it really have to be so difficult to eat, no wonder people in the UK are overweight. Seriously, I could probably eat a nice 14 inch meat feast pizza and fries in less time than it took me to finish a bowl of this.”
Here are my vital statistics for Jordans Country Crisp with Tangy Raspberries:
Cereal Cost: £2.69.
Real Servings per Box: 5
Cost per Serving: 53.8p
Pros – Ummm……raspberries?
Cons – Illness, almost indigestible, having to chew forever.
Moving on from the Jordans Country Crisp with Tangy Raspberries meant that whichever cereal was up next was going to seem better and it was. My next cereal is Goldilocks favourite, Kelloggs Just Right. I started them at lunch, they are bizarre. They are the equivalent to what my wife calls a ‘cupboard tea’, a ‘cupboard breakfast’ if you will. It is like Kelloggs found a whole mis-shaped Corn Flakes, Special K, Oats and raisins and just chucked them together. The flavour from the corn flakes is most prominent but the flavours fight for your attention in your mouth. They are still such an improvement on the Jordans Country Crisp with Raspberries.